PJ's & Coffee

Most Philadelphia area residents spend some part of their summer at the Jersey shore. For many that means South Jersey in towns like Sea Isle, Ocean City, Avalon and Stone Harbor. (Atlantic City deliberately excluded because there are acceptable restaurant options.) For my family, the Jersey shore is Central Jersey, in Seaside Park.

Regardless of which area you call “The Jersey Shore,” there is one reality……..the food sucks! Sure, there may be decent pizza, and perhaps a good dish here and there, but lets analyze this situation for a minute……..

If I am not mistaken, the Jersey Shore is on the Atlantic Ocean. The last time I checked, the Atlantic Ocean was rich with many species of fish and seafood, yet there isn’t  a decent seafood restaurant, at least that I have found, at the beach.

Let me be clear, can you get a lobster, shrimp or clam dish at the Jersey Shore? Of course. Are there any dishes that are good? Sure. Are the ‘”good” dishes worth about $14 priced at $35? YES! In addition to most restaurants having mediocre food at high prices, most of the starters and such do not create a cohesive dining  experience. Do you generally crave heavily breaded chicken wings along with lake trout in a buerre blanc? Unlikely.

The problem I have each and every year are expectations, which are too high. Every summer I start a journey looking for the one restaurant that must have something decent to offer. Every year I am disappointed. This year was no exception.

Seaside Park is a sleepy little town adjacent to Seaside Heights, AKA “The Jersey Shore.” I’m not exactly sure why, but businesses struggle here. There are 2 restaurants that are generally successful through the summer season; Ebby’s and Bum Rogers.

When Ebby’s first opened about 20 years ago, it was the first really great restaurant in the area. The Italian cuisine was delicious, reasonable and the service was friendly and sincere. Like many successful businesses, the owners sold out and in the past decade the restaurant has changed hands multiple times. It is now average, but the quality to value ratio, along with the service, is 20% of what it once was, when it first opened. Poor service, dirty wine glasses, mediocre food and a $300 bill made a dinner last summer, our last here.

Bum Rogers was never the greatest restaurant in the world, however, they used to have a fabulous happy hour with a center bar raw bar that made you feel like you were at the beach. Not only do they no longer have the raw bar, the quality of the food, seasonal service and deteriorating interior make for a depressing experience.  None the less, we ended up here last night after we walked out of one of our favorite bar/restaurants.

So it goes…….

Like most families, the economy has dictated that we are more conscious of our spending, so I made a decision that we would only have one “nice” dinner out this week at the beach. Obsessed with dining, I spent all week trying to decide where we would have this meal. The idea of eating on the water is highly appealing to me, however there are limited options. The Atlantic Grill in Seaside Park is actually a very nice  restaurant and arguably the best restaurant in the area, however, I calculated that dinner would be a minimum of $400 without drinks and that was for 4 children and 2 adults. (Our children eat as well as we do.)

I was interested in trying somewhere new in Lavallette.  I have never been to Rockefeller’s, so that was a consideration, except that they appear nowhere online so not only could I not call them, I had no valid information. SCRATCHED. My next thought was a place where my sister had her rehearsal dinner on the water. They have since changed their name, so they were difficult to find. We did manage to stumble upon the place and the new name is Catherine’s by the Ocean. Their ocean dining was perfect, had it not rained every night. They do have a dreary dining room, but I wasn’t willing to eat in a shoebox at the beach with entrees priced on average at $29.00.

Since we are buried in Mets country here, we have been dying to catch a Phillies game. Since the weather has been crappy, we decided to go to Klee’s. This is a bar. A good bar, but a bar none the less, and did not qualify as our “nice” dinner of the week. The food is average at best, but the prices are at least fair. We called ahead to ensure they could get the Phillies game. When we arrived, there were empty tables in the larger than average dining room. We were a party of 6, so there were no available tables for us because of the way tables were seated. There were tables available upstairs, but the atmosphere downstairs is the only reason we dine here. We were told it would be a 10-15 minute wait for a table downstairs, which was acceptable to us.

Being the control freak that I am, I examined the dining room and identified the only possible seating option for us. There was an empty 4 top next to another 4 top where 3 ladies were finishing their meals. There were no other options in the 15 minute time period. Various parties came in and were seated. The empty 4 top remained empty. Perfect. The ladies had just paid and the table was about to be cleared. Then it happened. A party of four entered and was seated at the empty table that clearly should have been reserved for us. There were 3 other empty tables to seat them that would in no way accommodate our party.

I approached the hostess. “What table do you have in mind for us?” I asked. “Whatever opens up,” she replied. “Well those two tables would have been the only option,” I point out. “There was no reason to seat those people there when we have been waiting 20 minutes already,” I added. “You could have been seated upstairs if you were in a hurry to sit,” she snarled as she stormed away. We walk out.

Now it is pouring rain and we have no options for viewing a Phillies game, 4 hungry children, and the husband is not interested in driving to Lavallette. To Bum Rogers we go…………

It may be hard to make out this room, so let me paint you a picture………… Empty room, except for the local yokle blue hairs. Although we had NO shot of seeing a Phillies game, since the Mets game was on at the bar, we had no shot of watching anything in the dining room (See exhibit A, blacked out TV to left).  The children were thrilled to be here, so that made things more pleasant, and dinner for 6 was only $149, so things could have been worst. What came across loud and clear was that seasonal businesses ( and this is an all year spot, actually) have no commitment to quality.

1. They had no salad for my 8 year old. The waitress explained that they are not busy enough to carry…… wait for it…….lettuce.

2. We felt like we were in Kitchen Nightmares as a kitchen worker (chef would be too strong a title) exclaimed “I don’t give a fuck about any of this shit.”

3. Buffalo wings look like this:

Why yes, they did call them Buffalo Wings

4. The Calamari looked like this:

Actually doesn’t look awful, and didn’t taste awful, but damn it; can anyone work a fryer?

5. Clams are the size of my fist.

Picture is dark, but I know you feel me……

6. Mussels (not shown) tasted fishy and my 8 year old refused to eat them. (She was 0 for 2).

7. Best thing on the menu is the lobster, oh and it’s giant at 1 lb!

I will not speak of the soggy corn that sat in a pot of water for 8 hours.

Our beers went empty for the entire meal because our server was texting and never returned to the table. It is what it is, but last night I was pissed.

Give me your suggestions for Philadelphia quality beach restaurants. I’m willing and eager to try!  This may be my summer’s mission!

Trust me when I say, I understand the plight of the wait staff in restaurants. I have been working in the customer service industry since I was 12 years old and started in food service at 14. I get it. It can really suck. It can also be extremely lucrative in the proper setting. All of that information is, well, neither here nor there.

The difference between a good restaurant and a great restaurant is not just food, but service as well. Good service means making patrons feel comfortable. Just because you work for a great restaurant does not give you the right to act as if you are doing the patrons a favor by waiting on their table. You are a WAITER! Yes, I said it; waiter. When I worked in restaurants, I was a waitress. I get server is P.C., but the bottom line is no matter how the position is referred to, the position remains the same; a person who servers food and drinks, hopefully pleasantly, to diners.

Last week a group of 6 of us were celebrating at a party in Old City. When the party ended at 9, we decided to go grab something to eat. We ended up at a very popular and usually very good restaurant. I recommended this restaurant, so the events of the evening were not only upsetting, but embarrassing for me.

The restaurant was about 30% full at 9:30PM. We waited a few minutes longer than normal to be greeted, but it wasn’t anything dramatic at that point. I did notice an “air” about our waiter, however. He was a little short, as if he had somewhere else to be. He took our drink order and it took forever for them to arrive. Then he vanished. One of our guests asked me to taste her Chardonnay and give my opinion. It was sickly sweet. You could actually smell the sweetness. Have you ever had Chardonnay? Sweet is not a word that comes to mind!

When the server finally returned to the table, we had been in the restaurant for 30 minutes and had not ordered food. I had already had a few drinks at the cocktail party without much to eat, so I was feeling pretty, pretty, pretty good at this point, and was not happy. I asked the waiter what he served, because the Chardonnay was clearly not Chardonnay, and it was incredibly sweet. I told him you could smell the sweetness. He replied ” It smells tart, not sweet.” First of all, have you ever heard that the customer is always right? Second, I didn’t decide independently that it was sweet. Our guest couldn’t choke it down because it was so sweet, but didn’t tell me what the issue was; it was crystal clear to me. Yet, in a condescending tone of voice he repeated, “it’s tart” 3 times!

Once we got past the wine, he was ready to take our order. I started by saying, “I think we are just going to order a bunch of appetizers to share.” I then proceeded to order a seafood tower for the table and then the escargot appetizer for myself, which he followed up with, “And for your entree?” So, I repeated that we were just going to order snacks. Another diner ordered an appetizer, which he followed with, “And for your entreeeee?” in a condescending tone as if he was completely aggravated that we were only ordering appetizers. This went on 3 more times.

I have never encountered a more obnoxious server in my life! He acted as if we were scum on his shoes. Meanwhile, we spent well over $200 that night. This is a recession, remember. Good service receives a $40 tip on a $200 check, where I come from. That’s a $40 tip for one round of drinks and one course of food.

Note to servers: Just because you work in a trendy restaurant doesn’t make you better than the clientele.

Note to restaurants: Get rid of the jackasses that treat your customers like sh*t.

The Weekly Rant is back!!

We’ve been slacking lately, yeah, yeah, you’ve heard the excuses. You know the reasons, so I’ll cut to the chase…

I’m pissed enough to return to THE RANT!

Recently a large group of us went out for dinner to a local Italian restaurant. It was a very pleasant evening at a well established neighborhood restaurant. As with most Italian restaurants one of the first items to be brought to the table was a basket of bread. We had 5 children in our group and they immediately reached eagerly and enthusiastically for the basket. Dipping the bread into the olive oil provided, the enthusiasm faded quickly. The bread was completely flavorless. Stale? No. Flavorless.

The crust was not crusty, but thin, stiff, yet not crunchy. The interior lacked the texture expected of a high quality Italian roll. It may have been worse then, gasp, Amoroso! How does this happen in an ITALIAN restaurant? How, you ask? I’ll tell you how. Business is not what it used to be, so restaurants cut corners in all of the wrong places.  They purchase low price rolls to save money. What an awful way to start a meal. An Italian restaurant with bad bread is like a Chinese restaurant with bad rice. It’s the beginning of the end for a restaurant when things like this happen.

There are ways to cut costs. The quality of the food is not the place. Here’s a tip, offer high quality bread and ask if your diners would like bread before you bring it to the table. Many people don’t eat bread these days. Serve less and refill. Don’t serve crap. There are too many options for great bakeries in our area; Conshohocken Italian Bakery, Sarcone’s Bakery, Carangi Bakery, or Wild Flour to name a few.  Or, do what some Italian restaurants like D’Angelo’s do, and bake your own. If you are going to serve bread that makes people talk about you, why not just serve this, at least it’s a real talking point:

Bread Heads

So chew on that thought…..

Random Dining Room

This is such an annoyance to me that it is amazing that it took so long to put this to paper! Imagine sitting down in the comfy banquette, pictured above, to enjoy a nice meal, only to find your table wobbling from side to side. This is a deal breaker for me! It is impossible to enjoy a glass of wine when you are continually concerned about it tipping over. The glasses are rattling. Who can relax in these conditions?

Recently we visited a brand spanking new restaurant. Seriously, this restaurant was open 3 days. Our party of five sat down at a booth with a chair on the end. As we got settled, the table began to tilt; oh boy, here we go! When the waiter approached the table, we mentioned the problem. He said that seemed to be a problem, yes. That’s it? Really?

How does a new restaurant not plan for flooring to table coordination? They built the place from scratch. I just don’t understand how a restaurant owner would not realize that if I am not comfortable sitting at a table in your restaurant, I am not coming back!

Now, on the flip side,  two weeks ago we were eating at MaGerk’s in Fort Washington and something happened to us that I have never encountered before. Right after we sat down, a man approached us and said, “Let me just check out your table, I think we are having a problem.” He then proceeded to pull out a handful of small plastic wedges. Before we knew it, he had shimmied up the table leg and the table was steady. We never knew there was a problem. As we engaged him in conversation about how impressed we were, he handed us a few to keep and joked, “I never leave home without them.”

A new business opportunity perhaps?

A Brief Rant ~Good Bye 2009!

2009 was a difficult year for many and so many wonderful area restaurants are not here to be enjoyed in 2010. That is a shame. While it is true that we have been suffering through difficult economic times, drive by any shopping mall on a Friday and Saturday night and there are lines waiting for a table at 12 chain restaurants where a salty, mass produced, hormone injected, steak dinner will set you back $40 a person with drinks and appetizers. This is truly disgusting when we have wonderful, talented chefs that have embraced supporting local farmers and use top notch, fresh ingredients and yet have been forced to virtually give away there food for $29 for 3 course meal deals just to fill tables. How much profit can there be, especially at a BYO?

Yet we promote it and glorify the great DEALS. Does it occur to us that in the end we all suffer? Most restaurants cannot sustain the losses.

How will diners respond in the new year?

Food for thought.

No one knows how important marketing is more than we do. So, honestly, we get the whole “Squab verses Pigeon, Pork Belly verses Braised Pork” thing. (See Previous Post) Creating an appealing name for a dish is one thing, but taking a simple item and calling it something it is not, is something altogether different.

What does the word fondue mean to you? Well to me, it is a sauce, usually hot that one dips something into. Just the mention of fondue conjures up delightful thoughts of ewwy, gooey cheese to dip apples and bread into….Yum. So when I read the enticing description of a sandwich served with Gruyere – Grain Mustard Fondue, I couldn’t resist! The anticipation of the warm cheesy mustard sauce to dip my corned beef sandwich into was almost too much!

Then the sandwich arrives. Excuse me, last time I checked, topping a sandwich with mustard that may or may not have some Gruyere cheese added, is hardly a fondue! I get that you slathered it with something that might be considered a sauce, but fondue? Not so much! Quite honestly, I detected no Gruyere! But, for me it raised a much bigger question about setting expectations.

Again, it’s important to make a dish sound appealing, but it’s another to sell it as something it is not. Under-promise ~ Over-deliver. Set expectations lower than the value of the delivery and you will win each and every time.

Sell me a fondue and deliver me mustard and you will fail, especially when I enjoy my condiments oh, so much. Bummer.

Buffalo wings. A staple at any American sports bar, or any restaurant, pub or eatery of any kind. Easy to make. Dump them in a fryer of hot oil. Fry until crispy. Dump into hopefully tangy, delicious sauce. Toss until coated. Pour onto a hopefully clean plate. Garnish with celery and blue cheese. Serve while still hot. Easy.

Please, someone explain to me, why there are so many bad wings out there? Just look at that basket of wings that was served to me at an unnamed bar in, cough, Fairmount, this weekend. Just biting into this glutinous, thick layer of muculent skin makes my skin crawl. Crispy. That is not too much to ask for when eating chicken wings. I do not need to be reminded that this is actual skin.

Philadelphia Weekly just did an article on the area’s most creative wings. I am not even asking that much. If you are going to serve them, just take the extra few minutes and cook them!

P.S. Refer to our post on corner bars – there were 6 people in the whole place!

Mon: 11:30AM – 11:00PM

Tue: 11:30AM – 11:00PM

Wed: 11:30AM – 11:00PM

Thu: 11:30AM – 11:00PM

Fri: 11:30AM – 12:00AM

These my friends are called HOURS OF OPERATION!

Otherwise known as hidden secrets on many Philadelphia area websites.

I would love for someone, anyone, to explain to me why a restaurant would not want to highlight their hours in the same manner they want to highlight their menu? Is it really their intention to disguise the hours they are open? In some cases consumers are simply trying to determine if you serve lunch!

It is truly maddening how many websites either do not have hours of operation or hide them so you have to navigate through the entire site and uncover them after a lengthy investigation. Often I wonder how many people, who unlike myself, are not interested in researching every restaurant that exists in the area and really only want something to eat, are going to go to such an effort to search for this information. My guess is not many!

If I just want to go somewhere for lunch tomorrow and know of a new restaurant that opened down the street, chances are I would probably Google the place to see if they served lunch. If I cannot easily assess whether they are open and especially if it is after hours, chances are, unless this is the latest and greatest Jose Garces restaurant that I have been dying to get into, they are shit out of luck for screwing with me and wasting my time! 

What a stupid, stupid, reason to lose business. Shame on you, and shame on your web designer and your web developer! The sad part – I can name at least 10 restaurants right off the top of my head that have either no hours, hidden hours or incorrect hours right now on their sites! Again…what a stupid reason to lose business and you are really pissing people off by the way!

If you have eaten in ANY restaurant in the last 12 months, you have surely encountered the “pork belly” trend. Delicious it certainly is. The question, however, is what exactly qualifies as pork belly and what is just pork that wants to be…ya know, belly.

The thought did not immediately occur to me. I went with the trend just as I did for months on end, two years ago assuming all lemons were really meyer lemons…uhhh huhh, sure. All Limes, key limes….right. But then as  I received dish after dish of varied pork texture and dissimilar flesh types, it suddenly occurred to me that everyone markets things to the buzz of the moment. As a teenager I worked in a restaurant where Purdue chicken breast was presented as capon.

Last summer I decided to make Key Lime Pie on the fly. I had no Key Limes, so regular limes would have to do. I would never tell and everyone declared it the best Key Lime Pie they had ever eaten! Well, do you think I would ever use a real Key Lime after that? Hell NO!

So, here’s the point: How do we know what we are eating? I’m sure Craig LaBan does. But, how does the regular consumer? Pork Belly literally comes from the belly of the pig. It has a layer of fat over the meat and must be braised for hours to tenderize it. That being said, it is not pork shoulder, or pork butt or any other braised pork roast. I personally love tender juicy braised pork shoulder, but that doesn’t make it pork belly!

Pork Belly is essentially bacon before it is cured, as described in this article for a recipe of pork belly sandwiches in Serious Eats.

Pork Belly Picture From Serious Eats

So restaurants, call a spade a spade. If  you are serving braised pork shoulder, be proud of it and tell us. If you want to serve pork belly, then  serve pork belly! Be honest – we are on to you!

Now before you dismiss this rant quickly because you HATE eating anywhere near children – NOT SO FAST.

So do the rest of us.

Everyone knows how it feels to be enjoying a nice quiet meal and watch with horror as a couple with a few kids and a crying infant are escorted to the table next to yours. It sucks. That’s not what I am talking about.

Once children reach a certain age, and it varies by household, but usually by age 7 or 8, they are capable of eating in a restaurant properly. By the age of 9 or 10 if a child does not have appropriate table manners to dine at most any restaurant in the city, there is a problem at home. In any case, no matter what age a person is when they enter a restaurant, the staff of the restaurant should react to every patron in the same manner.

As one might imagine, if you grow up in a household with parents that worship the culinary arts in every possible sense, there is a pretty good chance that the passion for “all things food” may in fact “rub off.” This happens to be the case in our house where our 8 year old prefers Caesar Salad to Mozzarella Sticks and a good Ceviche to just about anything. So, when we dine out, our “self proclaimed food critics,” are a little sensitive to be treated like second class citizens.

Case in point: There is a newish restaurant in town and for obvious reasons we need to check it out. There is a main dining room and a small dining room off the back of the main room. It is early and there is only one table seated in the main room. Although there is ample seating and a table to accommodate us in the main room, we are ushered into the small room in the back. (There is one server on duty, so, no, this was not to seat servers evenly!)

Of course the adults understand why we have been quarantined in this, not so fine, dining establishment, but the kids are befuddled. The room is actually charming. It is small, with 4 tables and a fireplace. Unfortunately the fireplace does not work and the room is chilly. There is a small box heater next to the table, albeit odd for a new restaurant, it does warm the room briefly before burning out. The otherwise lovely windowsills are coated in dust, again odd for a restaurant open only a short time.

Needless to say, no one is quite comfortable. When our server arrives, we report the situation with the heater. She is well aware that it doesn’t really work, but does not offer to move us to the front room which is warmer. The children begin to order their beverages and appetizers. Their ability to order for themselves coupled with their  authoritative command of the menu flusters her. My son orders grilled calamari, my middle daughter clams and my youngest the mussels. They debate whether to share salads or move on to entrees. She asks to no one in particular, “can they really eat all this food?” As they order their main dishes, our server, completely off balance at this point, declares she must check the availability of The Gorgonzola Gnocchi my son ordered. Her abrupt departure has us all reeling.

When she returns with the bad news that there is in fact no gnocchi tonight, a Friday, my son begrudgingly orders another dish. Once our server is out of earshot the children declare, “we are never coming back here again!” That was before she returned with their drinks in to go cups with lids, which sent them over the edge! We decided to stick it out only because it was getting late on Friday and we did not have reservations anywhere else.

The food was not great, nor was it bad. It was average. The experience on the other hand was enlightening. Not everyone embraces the concept of children, I get that. However, when you are in a service industry and you go out of your way to hide families with children when your restaurant is virtually empty, chances are good that your restaurant will remain empty. If you are clearly this misguided when it comes to customer service, there are bound to be other types of customers you are offending.

With parents, it’s pretty safe to say, treat their children poorly and they will not return, with or without them.